My "Upline" To Freedom

My reality is made by my preferences of my perspectives.

When I get pulled over and I bemoan it, and analyze how my life is crashing down, I decide to hate policemen and authority and where my tax money goes. Then, when I get a ticket, I choose back into that space and I continue the cycle of choosing to dislike getting tickets. Today, I chose not to dislike getting a ticket. I chatted with my friend in the car and grounded myself and continued our conversation while the officer did his work, much like I would do if I were at the drive-thru of Taco Bell. At one point, I turned to my friend in total accountability and said: "Well, I've been thinkin the last couple days about how I get paid next Friday and I have nowhere to spend my money, other than gettin food. Well, now I do! Though I don't really want my money to go here.....well, based on results, I do, actually." Looking at it from that perspective was so calming, and I joked around with the officer and I could tell I made him a little bit happier.

On my way home, I introspected some more and I realized I have a BUNCH of preferences that make up my life, which thereby afflict my attitude, which thereby afflict my behaviors and either connect me to or distract me from my life path. For instance, I have a VERY strong preference for streamlined traffic, and when traffic is not streamlined, I get peeved and then I start to mumble in my head, and then I start to mumble under my breath, and then I start to yell out loud, and all the while I am waging a gigantic war inside of me -- all because my preference was disturbed. Same goes for receiving traffic tickets, people looking pretty (or, rather, not looking pretty), people treating me as an equal, people fighting around me, me being a perfect being (or not) at work, and many other things.

What is YOUR "trickle-effect"? What might be in your life -- what peace might BE -- if your preferences did not affect you so negatively emotionally?
I know for me, it is freedom. Freedom is purity, and it is dancing with me right now :)

These Thoughtless Words are Breaking Us Apart

Why???
WHY???
Why the fuck do we judge people?? What is so important about us that we choose to judge other people?? Right and left, we do it. Life is so much more precious than the words we put to it. I just read a friend's blog....and to be honest, I don't know if I should even call her a friend. Our relationship emerged as mentor/student, grew to acquaintances, evolved to loved ones (but not too close), and suddenly spiraled down to frenemies. We built the demise of our friendship on a bridge burnt by judgments.

I read posts on her blog, and I was tearing up. The preciousness of life she presented was The Absolute Truth. I noticed every single judgment I had of her. I felt every single judgment she'd had of me. And it hurt SO bad. I don't know all the judgments she holds against me, I only know the ones I hold against her, but it hurt. Probably worse because of that. Because I don't know her judgments yet I CONTINUE to throw mine at her. I can't believe I have been content to perform that role for so long! Way to be a stereotype, Ry: the petty, judgmental queer. Tomorrow I will call her, and find out when I can meet with her and hug her and offer up my sorrow and humble myself before her, creating clarity between us and a new beginning.

Being judged hurts. Bottom line. So why -- seriously, now, WHY -- would we ever rationally choose to judge one another? Please assist me in stopping judgment. I will do my part; please do your part. Judgment hurts, it keeps us FAR separated, and only aids us in concocting falsehood in the rest of our lives. Thank you for your assistance, loved ones.

With Sorrow, Humility and Grace,

Ryan.