Credit United, Possibilities Unlimited!

K, not even gonna lie, I only put that title because it was a REALLY good (albeit maybe cheesy?) tag line. Haha.

Anyhow, right now I work at a company called Credit United. I've worked for similar companies before, and haven't done very well at them, and to be honest I am feeling the same way about this one. I want to do really well at it, and I am working the best I can at it...notating my results, receiving feedback, checking my results against my feedback and changing course accordingly. I've got 7 sales today, which, according to my manager (Jason Unruh), is decent, but I'm totally not happy about it because my only other co-worker has obtained, like, 13 today! And I was kicking her ass yesterday (but not even that well...)...sigh..it's very disconcerting to me. I feel like I am connecting with everyone I am speaking with, except for those people who are TOTAL douchebags, and my lack of connection is only because of them, ya know?...7 in an 8-hour shift is PITIFUL. Granted, I've had A LOT of voicemails today, whereas yesterday I had more direct-connects, but still..it's just frustrating...I guess I gotta just take it one day at a time.

Eh, but here's another predicament: I am raising money for my Iceland trip and for school, and for rent while I'm gone in Iceland, and I need $5,080 total. So, to accomplish that, I need to refer 8 people an hour -- and I thought that would be doable when I was first hired...but now I'm not even getting 8 people in a DAY. I mean, if I keep going the way I'm going, not only will I not have a job, but even if for some reason I do, I'd still be working full-time to only be making 640 bucks a month -- before taxes! That's hella not worth it...

How the fuck can I make $5,080 before September 7th??? I feel blind, I feel trapped, I'm hella frustrated, and I'm not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, which is very scary. I will see it for, like, maybe 3 seconds and then it'll quickly go away and I can't get it back. I feel so lost.

I feel like my goal is so pure. All I want is to create enough money to go back to school to become a better me, and to love myself more, and I wanna create money to SERVE OTHER PEOPLE over in Iceland...so why am I not attracting the money toward myself? And I truly feel like I deserve it, too, which is new, and awesome! But nothing...nothing is happening, nothing is changing as quickly as it needs to be for everything to be lined up. I am in this fucked up place where I feel, for the most part, like I am this awesome creator, and then when I look into my bank account, it's like, Hey, nope, you're totally not! Ha! And I'm just like "Fine, fuck you then..."

I am hating this. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place and I wish I knew how to get out. Can someone please assist me?

In Vulnerable Desperation,

Ryan!