Rant and Accountability RE: the Jesus Myth

WOW. I just leaned over to a friend and said "I'm trying to disprove someone's faith in Jesus" and she was completely shocked and said "WHAT??? WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT???" and I sit here in utter shock. You mean that religious people can proselytize all day around atheists and agnostics and try to convert them -- disproving someone's faith in doubt -- and it's okay (and even accepted/assumed), yet I cannot do the same (with, in my mind, a valid reason) without an emotionally vehement reaction? Interesting.

I am not offended by her, mad at her, or anything negative toward her. I love and respect her. I am simply astounded by the hypocrisy that is evidently so natural in religious people. I mean, she's not a loud-talker regarding religion...she's not someone who tries to convert people all the time, and she had that reaction...think of how those who do act that way might react!

I love the experience though, because it assists me in seeing the other side...the other point of view...when it comes to me wanting to enroll people into Great Life. My sister who hates herself (well, both fall into this category, but one hates herself more than the other-- and that's the one to whom I'm referring) does almost everything in her life to bring other people down because of her own self-hatred, and she especially goes campaigning extra hard when she finds something of value (especially emotional value) to someone. As such, she was always dogging on GLF, with literally no reason...she would simply tie it in to anything I said just to try and hurt me to temporarily feel better about herself. It just drove me crazy because I couldn't understand why someone who knew the immense value I place on GLF (or whether or not she had absorbed the info, had at least had heard it/been exposed to it) would purposely, irrationally try and hurt me with it.

And I still don't understand it, but three things learned from this conversation with myself:
1. I don't need to understand, whereas I always used to think I did, because understanding things does not make them better, or make me happier...it simply provides me with trivial means to rationalize away the hurt/pain.
2. I've seen the other side now, and can come from a more compassionate place when feeling like I'm being attacked.
3. That even if people attack me, I choose whether or not to feel hurt/offended and thusly retaliate.

Like Butter

I am really feeling the truth behind what a friend of mine said to me tonight: "It is really difficult being the ones who get to spread the light." This world is so full of people who want to destroy life, crabs who want to pull down the others who are escaping the box. I really felt that tonight as my sister insulted and berated me. I made the comment that I was sick of how completely ungrateful for everything my family was, and that unleashed within her every judgment she held against me and my life. Then came the chorus: my other sister, my mom and my aunt joined in on the brutal harassment. I felt simultaneously absolutely astonished and extinguished.

I know I'm not perfect, and I know I never will be, and I also know that I am truly a spreader of light. Whether or not I like it, that is my mission on this planet. I can do that through many mechanics: homosexuality, dance, music, fashion, volunteerism, film, celebrity, sports, health and coaching to name a few on which I am gaining more and more clarity every day.

It is difficult for ME to be a spreader of light for two reasons: I've never had the example set for me so it is completely new to me, and because I currently don't have many examples to which I can look either...I am learning it almost wholly on my own (though not alone). I get to learn a completely foreign concept and way of being AND learn to learn AND manifest simultaneously. Bring them closer together, and I will create and manifest and enjoy my success...

A Week of Shenanigans

This weekend and week have been crazy so far!!

I went on a surprise trip to Vegas with my sister to visit with a friend, and had an amazing time. However, that gave me only about 6 hours to pack up and clean my whole apartment to move out....So I just stayed an extra day and packed it all up. From 8 am until 6 pm, I was cleaning and packing in a total FRENZY! Thankfully, a friend came over and cleaned most of my apartment for me, which REALLY helped out. But I had so much to do and so much to coordinate, it was at times a tidbit overwhelming. But just a tidbit, not too much... Then I went to Great Life to continue in my duties there, trying to be in two places at one time there, and was there for about 3 or 4 hours, at which point I got to come home and continue to pack my stuff up and move some of it to storage....I was doing this until about 4 in the morning this morning and I crashed on my mom's couch after Facebooking for a couple minutes. I woke up this morning at around 11 and relaxed a little at my mom's house and then I began lugging all my storage items to their appropriate places and then packed the rest of my stuff up back into my car and raced up to Park City, where I will be living for the next couple of months 'til I head out to L.A. Whew! It is succccchhhh a relief to be done with all that crazy moving mess!

The speed of my life the last few days has been intense, and I love the feeling -- a LOT. I want my life to continue at this speed for a while...just not as much heavy lifting, ha! Aaaaaand it looks like it will be....

I made sure I got something out tonight on my blog so hopefully you are satisfied, since I will be completely busy this weekend as well. I am staffing Founders on Thursday and then coaching Part Three, so I will be in the room from 8am until approximately 11pm and on a ropes course on Saturday from about 7am 'til about 8pm, at which point I will be zooming over to my cousin's high school graduation party. And I swear to god I had something planned on Sunday, but I just can't remember what...Then on Monday, I get to go over to my mom's to better sort through and organize the stuff I am storing there, and I'll probably do a little yard work for her, too.

I want to have time to create some new music and some new dress designs, but I will be so tired this weekend from staffing, I'm sure, that I really don't want to force it in. Lol. (That ain't the first time I've used that phrase!.....) :)

Sigh....it really feels good to sleep on a bed again, and have time to just relax my body and my brain a little bit. My brain is still going at 100mph, if you can't tell....I feel like there is something my brain wants to get out in writing here, but it isn't saying anything....Lol. Maybe I just feel that way 'cause my brain is still buzzing around from all the craziness. Anyhow, I love you all.

Live your life the way you want it lived. It is the only allotment of time you can be 100% certain that you are guaranteed.

Love, Peace and Kisses,

Ry