I want to work in marketing. I am a genius, and I am creative, and I love telling people what to do, especially when it comes to spending money. So naturally I belong in marketing, right? :)
Earlier, I texted my great friend Marcello and told him I wanted to work with him and asked if he had anything I could do. I am still waiting to hear from him... He is a marketing guru and is also in line with an event planning type of company, so it would be perfect for me to work with him and secure connections in those two industries.
God, I'm tired. I'm going to go to bed now. I get to start listening to my body. And right now it says "Gooooo tooooo sleeeeeeep, Ryan!!!" so I will. I will type more tomorrow since I have NOTHING to do all day tomorrow :)
With Love,
Ryan!
8.31.2009
8.24.2009
Take It Bitch, TAKE IT!!!!
Ohhhh, haha, I just love my Monkey side... :D
The title alludes to my short post today: I am learning to take my own (and others') advice, instead of living my life only giving it out. I can't remember what it's called, but there's a new movie coming out on the 9th with Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Aniston, and it looks like it will be the hetero version of my life lately, and I just can't wait to see it. The commercial for it awakened me to my life. Am I just waiting around hoping that the breakthroughs I assist others in seeing will just rub off on me someday? My answer is yes. I can be sad about that -- in fact, I was for a couple days -- or I can simply notice it and move on. I deserve better than to beat myself up over something so simple as noticing something about myself. So, my new choice is to take on my life. Make goals and accomplish them, and rack up a lot of positive evidence in my favor to show myself that I CAN do what I want to do, and that I AM worthy of everything I put my mind toward.
First up: Working my ass off between tomorrow and and September 5th, 2009 to pay for my Iceland trip, as I am leaving on the 6th! My goal is to earn $1500 and I am incredibly open to earning much more than that.
Thank you to all of you readers for your love, devotion and generosity. You are not only people who enjoy reading my blog, but you are all dear friends. In only one month, I have grown to 9 followers (AKA devoted readers) and have an average of 40 readers per day, as compared to the 3 per day I had when I first started out! I am awed by that, and totally grateful for it.
In Love and Gratitude for Your Gifts,
Ryan!
The title alludes to my short post today: I am learning to take my own (and others') advice, instead of living my life only giving it out. I can't remember what it's called, but there's a new movie coming out on the 9th with Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Aniston, and it looks like it will be the hetero version of my life lately, and I just can't wait to see it. The commercial for it awakened me to my life. Am I just waiting around hoping that the breakthroughs I assist others in seeing will just rub off on me someday? My answer is yes. I can be sad about that -- in fact, I was for a couple days -- or I can simply notice it and move on. I deserve better than to beat myself up over something so simple as noticing something about myself. So, my new choice is to take on my life. Make goals and accomplish them, and rack up a lot of positive evidence in my favor to show myself that I CAN do what I want to do, and that I AM worthy of everything I put my mind toward.
First up: Working my ass off between tomorrow and and September 5th, 2009 to pay for my Iceland trip, as I am leaving on the 6th! My goal is to earn $1500 and I am incredibly open to earning much more than that.
Thank you to all of you readers for your love, devotion and generosity. You are not only people who enjoy reading my blog, but you are all dear friends. In only one month, I have grown to 9 followers (AKA devoted readers) and have an average of 40 readers per day, as compared to the 3 per day I had when I first started out! I am awed by that, and totally grateful for it.
In Love and Gratitude for Your Gifts,
Ryan!
8.20.2009
I'm Not Perfect (Dammit), and I'm Learning...
Wow....reading through my blogs the past little bit, I've become aware of how much of a victim I've been lately. Why didn't someone snap me out of it?? Lol. The more enlightening question for my life is "Why didn't I snap myself out of it??" I'll be taking a look at that as I go through my day today...
This is random. It's one of my favorite lyrics ever (it's by Shakira, in case you were wondering): "They believe you now have everything you wanted, and once you have become a star, you've got no right to bitch. But someday when you fail, they'll put you on sale and buy you by the inch."
What I'm noticing right now:
I want to filter my emotions. I wrote my last post when I was on a total high, and I read through it right now, and even though it is celebrating the glory that is me and 6 other loved ones, I read it and squirm a little bit. I'm afraid that I've let out my fullest emotions for some people, that I've been as vulnerable as I can be to them in that moment, and that I made a fool of myself, or that they don't love me back as much, or that I am awkward or something of that nature...And I realize that without letting them know the depth to which I love them, without handily slapping on a "Great Life term" to it (as an easily- and subconsciously-applied mask), I will never learn the depths to which they love me -- be that deeply or shallowly. I am learning right now that, in moments when I am not high off of deep, honest, loving connection, I would rather connect with others shallowly and dispassionately than be vulnerable to them and be able to learn where I stand with another. I would in this way, rather avoid learning about myself and my relationships (which could only make my life more fulfilling) than risk. Hmm. Interesting lesson...
It's the same way with money...I'd rather......even right now I am telling myself to talk about something else than to go to the depth I was headed for...NO, brain...I gotta do this...just shut up for a second...ok, turning off...
I'd rather be shallow with regard to my relationship with money than go to the depths needed to create peace, love and stability in my relationship with money...for fear of discovering the most horrible truth about myself...like I don't love myself enough, maybe? That was the first thing that came to my mind, and the reason I say maybe is because I truly feel like I love myself now...interesting.. "now" -- so the deep truth may be that I used to not love myself to make money for myself, and I am simply carrying that piece of baggage around with me in the depths of my consciousness. And that is what is creating my lack of financial stability. I can say I want money and stability all I want, but my actions produce the results, and based on results, I am not committed to stability. And freedom. Funny, in that my creation statement is that through my pure power and passion, I bring forth beauty and light, creating love, joy and FREEDOM. Oh. My. Fucking. God. I LOVE circular a-ha moments!!!! I took a look at my creation statement (hereafter referred to as "CS"), and realized that I found it humorous that I included passion in there, 'cause that is something I've never felt like I've really had before, but when I created my CS (this is version 2.0), I just said whatever words came out of my mouth, and that is what it happened to be. I see how I've created myself to be hella powerful, some beauty, tons of light, love and joy, and right now I am working on passion. And then I see freedom, which is not only ironic in this moment, but also I have a horoscope regarding this... I got it at the beginning of the year, and it has so far proven true in, like, every action I've had the opportunity to take this year.
The horoscope goes as follows:
In Peace, Love, Joy and Gratitude,
Ryan!
This is random. It's one of my favorite lyrics ever (it's by Shakira, in case you were wondering): "They believe you now have everything you wanted, and once you have become a star, you've got no right to bitch. But someday when you fail, they'll put you on sale and buy you by the inch."
What I'm noticing right now:
I want to filter my emotions. I wrote my last post when I was on a total high, and I read through it right now, and even though it is celebrating the glory that is me and 6 other loved ones, I read it and squirm a little bit. I'm afraid that I've let out my fullest emotions for some people, that I've been as vulnerable as I can be to them in that moment, and that I made a fool of myself, or that they don't love me back as much, or that I am awkward or something of that nature...And I realize that without letting them know the depth to which I love them, without handily slapping on a "Great Life term" to it (as an easily- and subconsciously-applied mask), I will never learn the depths to which they love me -- be that deeply or shallowly. I am learning right now that, in moments when I am not high off of deep, honest, loving connection, I would rather connect with others shallowly and dispassionately than be vulnerable to them and be able to learn where I stand with another. I would in this way, rather avoid learning about myself and my relationships (which could only make my life more fulfilling) than risk. Hmm. Interesting lesson...
It's the same way with money...I'd rather......even right now I am telling myself to talk about something else than to go to the depth I was headed for...NO, brain...I gotta do this...just shut up for a second...ok, turning off...
I'd rather be shallow with regard to my relationship with money than go to the depths needed to create peace, love and stability in my relationship with money...for fear of discovering the most horrible truth about myself...like I don't love myself enough, maybe? That was the first thing that came to my mind, and the reason I say maybe is because I truly feel like I love myself now...interesting.. "now" -- so the deep truth may be that I used to not love myself to make money for myself, and I am simply carrying that piece of baggage around with me in the depths of my consciousness. And that is what is creating my lack of financial stability. I can say I want money and stability all I want, but my actions produce the results, and based on results, I am not committed to stability. And freedom. Funny, in that my creation statement is that through my pure power and passion, I bring forth beauty and light, creating love, joy and FREEDOM. Oh. My. Fucking. God. I LOVE circular a-ha moments!!!! I took a look at my creation statement (hereafter referred to as "CS"), and realized that I found it humorous that I included passion in there, 'cause that is something I've never felt like I've really had before, but when I created my CS (this is version 2.0), I just said whatever words came out of my mouth, and that is what it happened to be. I see how I've created myself to be hella powerful, some beauty, tons of light, love and joy, and right now I am working on passion. And then I see freedom, which is not only ironic in this moment, but also I have a horoscope regarding this... I got it at the beginning of the year, and it has so far proven true in, like, every action I've had the opportunity to take this year.
The horoscope goes as follows:
When I predict that liberation will be one of your primary tasks in 2009, Virgo, I'm not speaking about it in the usual way. The definition I'm working with is one that the writer David Foster Wallace articulated: "The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day." I hope you'll be moved to add other nuances and flourishes to that approach as you experiment with it liberally in the coming months.I will take this learning and apply it. Passion, freedom, stability, success and peace are all interdependent. I cannot neglect one for the other, or neglect any of them and believe that any of the others will come along without it. It's like, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Because it was following its higher self.
In Peace, Love, Joy and Gratitude,
Ryan!
Excavation
So, I wrote this blog at the end of last month or the beginning of this month, and I saved it in a Word document, so I could post it the next day, and then forgot to post it! I just found it yesterday, so here it is...
Blog Buddies,
I had one of the purest, most beautiful nights I’ve ever had Saturday after Service. I got to do a trust fall into the loving arms of 6 of my best friends (as if I can even qualify ANYONE as a “best” friend since I have so many amazing people in my life). I can honestly say I was fully caught by the group, AND it was also not how it was “supposed” to look. Lol. And I am 200% grateful for that, because I learned how much these people truly and purely love me. One friend was even willing to drop himself to the floor and shove his body underneath me, with specific focus to my head, just to protect me from harm, letting me squish and hurt him. Wow. What a gentle, loving, humble, caring, protective friend. I deserve relationships in my life like the one I have with him. The irony is I’ve known him for only a few weeks and he loves me that much, whereas I have friends who I’ve known for 5 years who have just gotten comfortable and lazy. This weekend I have gotten much clearer on the truth that lies within my relationships, and the potential for the relationships I already have. I too have been lazy (and selfish) in my relationships. I cannot say that any of my friends have been lazy without also acknowledging it in myself, because relationships are a two-way street. My loved ones respond to how I interact with them. If I was constantly “tipping the scales” for them in the relationship, they just naturally WOULDN’T settle for being a lazy friend. Period. So I have some work to take on in my relationships. At this point I am speechlessly grateful for the “Relationship Renewal” worksheet that The Great Life Foundation provides as part of its coursework. It gives me a great springboard off of which to launch.
A quick shout out to volunteer staffing at The Great Life! Within the past two months, I have staffed a Founders Training, two Part Twos, am coaching a Part Three and am about to take on a Part One this week. And it has been the most forward moving choice I have made in a long time! I have been awakened to new pieces of my character and personality and am doing a great job at piecing myself back together. Since I began my training two years ago, I’ve felt like I had amnesia regarding the real me…and even partly that I never even created a real me… From such a young age I was always trying to please everyone, to create a peace bubble in my life. I was abused, and after the age of 7, I always felt completely neglected. I was the youngest, the baby, and I always felt left behind, especially compared to my middle sister. I never felt like I could do anything good enough, that I would never be loved enough, that I would never be able to prove to everyone that I was okay, and that they should love me. I never realized I needed to prove to MYSELF that I was okay and that I am capable of love and being loved – even moreso, not to prove, but even just to simply trust that about myself.
I’m hungry…I’m gonna go cook some leftovers, and I’ll be back to blogging in about twenty…
I totally forgot I was blogging! Haha. It’s probably about 2 hours later now…lol.
Anyhow, I love myself now, and I am consciously taking actions toward self-fulfillment, and to continue to show myself how much I love myself, and it feels nice. And it is all due to having done the courses at Great Life. The reason I give a shout out to staffing there is because I have been doing it so much lately and loving myself so much lately and my life is just completely working. I am aligning with the Universe regarding things I need for Get Smashed! I am finding and keeping close, loving, generous, caring, passionate, honest relationships. I am feeling peace. I am creating the life I want. I am doing everything I want: I am starting a new job (finally!), going to Iceland to serve as a volunteer, really seeing progress with Get Smashed!, and serving very freely at Great Life, creating this beautiful human experience for myself. The joy and love is so abundant! Thank you, Universe. Thank you, loved ones who support me and fully care for me and my well-being. Thank you, Mom. THANK YOU, Great Life.
Oh, and a most heartfelt thank you to “The Academy.” ;)
Also, if you like musically interesting, stylistically challenging, poetic music sung by a man who has quite possibly the most talented vocal power in all of musical history, check out the band Incubus. I am constantly in awe of what this band can do artistically, not only with their musical arrangements, but also what the lead singer, Brandon Boyd, can do with his voice.
I will post again later tonight, and then again tomorrow morning, and that will probably be all from me this week, as I am staffing Awakenings at The Great Life Foundation this Wednesday-Saturday. NOTE: If you haven’t yet taken this training (or hell, even if you have), I encourage you to do so THIS WEEK, as it is priced at the lowest it will probably ever be: $99. Normal seminars charge that much for one-day events, and this is 4 days and is NOTHING like a “normal seminar” – it is much more powerful. It’s like going to a “Buy One, Get Six Free” sale. Of course you’re going to go and snatch up a deal like that.
Finally, I’d like to create a new agreement with you, my lovely Blog Buddies: to post at least once a week. That is something I can safely accomplish and keep my word around.
Until Tonight,
Ryan!
Peace out, Loves.
8.13.2009
The Sun Came Out Today
Which was nice. I was grumpy all day at work and didn't know how to get over it. It for sure didn't help my sales at work, which for sure didn't at all help out my attitude today...
And then straight after work, I met with one of the trainees I am coaching and got to assist her in getting through where she was at to the greatness she wanted on the other side. It was very inspiring, and, basically, we were both in the same energetic place. I didn't think I'd be very helpful, because I was so not grounded, and so not clear, and I just connected with her and loved her and I learned SO much from her... I'm so proud of those who choose to connect with me and teach me and assist me in believing in myself and furthering my life.
With Love and Gratitude to the Guidance of God,
Ryan!
And then straight after work, I met with one of the trainees I am coaching and got to assist her in getting through where she was at to the greatness she wanted on the other side. It was very inspiring, and, basically, we were both in the same energetic place. I didn't think I'd be very helpful, because I was so not grounded, and so not clear, and I just connected with her and loved her and I learned SO much from her... I'm so proud of those who choose to connect with me and teach me and assist me in believing in myself and furthering my life.
With Love and Gratitude to the Guidance of God,
Ryan!
8.12.2009
Credit United, Possibilities Unlimited!
K, not even gonna lie, I only put that title because it was a REALLY good (albeit maybe cheesy?) tag line. Haha.
Anyhow, right now I work at a company called Credit United. I've worked for similar companies before, and haven't done very well at them, and to be honest I am feeling the same way about this one. I want to do really well at it, and I am working the best I can at it...notating my results, receiving feedback, checking my results against my feedback and changing course accordingly. I've got 7 sales today, which, according to my manager (Jason Unruh), is decent, but I'm totally not happy about it because my only other co-worker has obtained, like, 13 today! And I was kicking her ass yesterday (but not even that well...)...sigh..it's very disconcerting to me. I feel like I am connecting with everyone I am speaking with, except for those people who are TOTAL douchebags, and my lack of connection is only because of them, ya know?...7 in an 8-hour shift is PITIFUL. Granted, I've had A LOT of voicemails today, whereas yesterday I had more direct-connects, but still..it's just frustrating...I guess I gotta just take it one day at a time.
Eh, but here's another predicament: I am raising money for my Iceland trip and for school, and for rent while I'm gone in Iceland, and I need $5,080 total. So, to accomplish that, I need to refer 8 people an hour -- and I thought that would be doable when I was first hired...but now I'm not even getting 8 people in a DAY. I mean, if I keep going the way I'm going, not only will I not have a job, but even if for some reason I do, I'd still be working full-time to only be making 640 bucks a month -- before taxes! That's hella not worth it...
How the fuck can I make $5,080 before September 7th??? I feel blind, I feel trapped, I'm hella frustrated, and I'm not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, which is very scary. I will see it for, like, maybe 3 seconds and then it'll quickly go away and I can't get it back. I feel so lost.
I feel like my goal is so pure. All I want is to create enough money to go back to school to become a better me, and to love myself more, and I wanna create money to SERVE OTHER PEOPLE over in Iceland...so why am I not attracting the money toward myself? And I truly feel like I deserve it, too, which is new, and awesome! But nothing...nothing is happening, nothing is changing as quickly as it needs to be for everything to be lined up. I am in this fucked up place where I feel, for the most part, like I am this awesome creator, and then when I look into my bank account, it's like, Hey, nope, you're totally not! Ha! And I'm just like "Fine, fuck you then..."
I am hating this. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place and I wish I knew how to get out. Can someone please assist me?
In Vulnerable Desperation,
Ryan!
Anyhow, right now I work at a company called Credit United. I've worked for similar companies before, and haven't done very well at them, and to be honest I am feeling the same way about this one. I want to do really well at it, and I am working the best I can at it...notating my results, receiving feedback, checking my results against my feedback and changing course accordingly. I've got 7 sales today, which, according to my manager (Jason Unruh), is decent, but I'm totally not happy about it because my only other co-worker has obtained, like, 13 today! And I was kicking her ass yesterday (but not even that well...)...sigh..it's very disconcerting to me. I feel like I am connecting with everyone I am speaking with, except for those people who are TOTAL douchebags, and my lack of connection is only because of them, ya know?...7 in an 8-hour shift is PITIFUL. Granted, I've had A LOT of voicemails today, whereas yesterday I had more direct-connects, but still..it's just frustrating...I guess I gotta just take it one day at a time.
Eh, but here's another predicament: I am raising money for my Iceland trip and for school, and for rent while I'm gone in Iceland, and I need $5,080 total. So, to accomplish that, I need to refer 8 people an hour -- and I thought that would be doable when I was first hired...but now I'm not even getting 8 people in a DAY. I mean, if I keep going the way I'm going, not only will I not have a job, but even if for some reason I do, I'd still be working full-time to only be making 640 bucks a month -- before taxes! That's hella not worth it...
How the fuck can I make $5,080 before September 7th??? I feel blind, I feel trapped, I'm hella frustrated, and I'm not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, which is very scary. I will see it for, like, maybe 3 seconds and then it'll quickly go away and I can't get it back. I feel so lost.
I feel like my goal is so pure. All I want is to create enough money to go back to school to become a better me, and to love myself more, and I wanna create money to SERVE OTHER PEOPLE over in Iceland...so why am I not attracting the money toward myself? And I truly feel like I deserve it, too, which is new, and awesome! But nothing...nothing is happening, nothing is changing as quickly as it needs to be for everything to be lined up. I am in this fucked up place where I feel, for the most part, like I am this awesome creator, and then when I look into my bank account, it's like, Hey, nope, you're totally not! Ha! And I'm just like "Fine, fuck you then..."
I am hating this. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place and I wish I knew how to get out. Can someone please assist me?
In Vulnerable Desperation,
Ryan!
8.09.2009
Revised "Bucket List" For The Year
I have decided to change or delete some things on my list. For instance, I used to have on here that I wanted to go to Taiwan before Sara left there...but then she left there about two weeks later. Lol.
Also, I staffed a Part Three First Weekend and realized that some of the things might have been a bit hype-y...for instance, I have 7 different vacations on the list. While I do definitely WANT to go on them all, I probably won't realistically start going on them until the New Year, which means I'd have to go on a vacation more than once a month to complete them in time. And I'd want to be on each vacation for about two weeks each...While I have no problem with this personally, I just got hired at Credit Unlimited, and I'm not too sure how much my boss would appreciate that...So, while I will be working as hard as I can to make as much money as possible, as quickly as possible, so hopefully I can take off enough time each month...I still want to make it potentially achievable, so I am adjusting it a little bit.
Also, for purposes of updating my fanbase ;P I will put asterisks next to those items I have either completed or made progress toward.
TO ACCOMPLISH WITHIN THIS YEAR
(JUNE 25, 2009 – JUNE 25, 2010)
1. Learn Italian
2. Learn French *
3. Learn Chinese *
4. Learn Korean
5. Learn Russian
6. Learn Arabic *
7. Learn Portuguese
8. Open Get Smashed! *
9. Have Get Smashed! be a premier date spot in Utah
10. Have Get Smashed! be a profitable and reputable mental health avenue in Utah.
13. Take a vacation to Italy
14. Take a vacation to London
16. Have Get Smashed! make revenue of $50,000+ per day
17. Have completed my personal brand *
18. Have committed 100% to and taken 5+ steps toward fulfilling my personal brand. *
20. Learn and commit to memory basic HTML
21. Learn basic typing/computer skills until I feel I know enough
22. Take an auto class: learn the basics of cars and how to fix an automobile. *
23. Own a MacBook Air and a regular MacBook Pro.
25. Meditate every morning and every night.
26. Document ALL volunteer hours I serve.
27. Document EVERY item I donate, along with the amount of its value.
28. Have taken one quantifiable step toward beginning a (meaningful) non-profit.
29. Live a self-disciplined life. *
30. Live a peaceful, joyful, fulfilled life. *
31. Live healthily. *
32. At least quarterly, throw fun, engaging, fabulous parties that are talked about
(for happy reasons) long after they happened. *
33. Know as much as possible of ballet.
34. Know basics of simple, elegant ballroom dances.
35. Fully understand human anatomy.
36. Read Book of Mormon, King James’ Bible, Pearl of Great Price and Doctrine & Covenants. *
37. Read the Koran *
38. Study Hinduism *
39. Study Buddhism *
40. Read the Jewish holy scripture *
41. Read the standard Catholic holy scripture
43. Quarterly, write thank you letters to the Orvises for the impact they’ve had on me. *
44. Spend money wisely.
45. Save money wisely.
46. Know money.
47. Have a beautiful, tranquil, generous living space.
48. Take $30,000 home to my personal bank account every month.
49. Be able to play piano, guitar and drums very well.
50. Read one book per month. *
51. Have an immaculately defined muscular body.
52. Have removed all the hair on my back and shoulders.
53. Go to Gili Meno in Bali for two weeks and live in introspective silence.
Deleted items:
15. Take a vacation to Taiwan before Sara leaves it.
12. Take an all-inclusive trip to either Atlantis or Sandals Resort in the Caribbean
11. Go to Belize on vacation
19. Have a modeling career.
24. Go to a challenging, distinguished university –
deservedly en route to earning my degree to become U.S. Secretary of State. *
42. Go on an African safari with Will, Jackie, Mom, Nicole, Kris, Court and my significant other.
We'll see how this goes!.....
Also, I staffed a Part Three First Weekend and realized that some of the things might have been a bit hype-y...for instance, I have 7 different vacations on the list. While I do definitely WANT to go on them all, I probably won't realistically start going on them until the New Year, which means I'd have to go on a vacation more than once a month to complete them in time. And I'd want to be on each vacation for about two weeks each...While I have no problem with this personally, I just got hired at Credit Unlimited, and I'm not too sure how much my boss would appreciate that...So, while I will be working as hard as I can to make as much money as possible, as quickly as possible, so hopefully I can take off enough time each month...I still want to make it potentially achievable, so I am adjusting it a little bit.
Also, for purposes of updating my fanbase ;P I will put asterisks next to those items I have either completed or made progress toward.
TO ACCOMPLISH WITHIN THIS YEAR
(JUNE 25, 2009 – JUNE 25, 2010)
1. Learn Italian
2. Learn French *
3. Learn Chinese *
4. Learn Korean
5. Learn Russian
6. Learn Arabic *
7. Learn Portuguese
8. Open Get Smashed! *
9. Have Get Smashed! be a premier date spot in Utah
10. Have Get Smashed! be a profitable and reputable mental health avenue in Utah.
13. Take a vacation to Italy
14. Take a vacation to London
16. Have Get Smashed! make revenue of $50,000+ per day
17. Have completed my personal brand *
18. Have committed 100% to and taken 5+ steps toward fulfilling my personal brand. *
20. Learn and commit to memory basic HTML
21. Learn basic typing/computer skills until I feel I know enough
22. Take an auto class: learn the basics of cars and how to fix an automobile. *
23. Own a MacBook Air and a regular MacBook Pro.
25. Meditate every morning and every night.
26. Document ALL volunteer hours I serve.
27. Document EVERY item I donate, along with the amount of its value.
28. Have taken one quantifiable step toward beginning a (meaningful) non-profit.
29. Live a self-disciplined life. *
30. Live a peaceful, joyful, fulfilled life. *
31. Live healthily. *
32. At least quarterly, throw fun, engaging, fabulous parties that are talked about
(for happy reasons) long after they happened. *
33. Know as much as possible of ballet.
34. Know basics of simple, elegant ballroom dances.
35. Fully understand human anatomy.
36. Read Book of Mormon, King James’ Bible, Pearl of Great Price and Doctrine & Covenants. *
37. Read the Koran *
38. Study Hinduism *
39. Study Buddhism *
40. Read the Jewish holy scripture *
41. Read the standard Catholic holy scripture
43. Quarterly,
44. Spend money wisely.
45. Save money wisely.
46. Know money.
47. Have a beautiful, tranquil, generous living space.
48. Take $30,000 home to my personal bank account every month.
49. Be able to play piano, guitar and drums very well.
50. Read one book per month. *
51. Have an immaculately defined muscular body.
52. Have removed all the hair on my back and shoulders.
53. Go to Gili Meno in Bali for two weeks and live in introspective silence.
Deleted items:
12. Take an all-inclusive trip to either Atlantis or Sandals Resort in the Caribbean
11. Go to Belize on vacation
19. Have a modeling career.
24. Go to a challenging, distinguished university –
deservedly en route to earning my degree to become U.S. Secretary of State. *
42. Go on an African safari with Will, Jackie, Mom, Nicole, Kris, Court and my significant other.
We'll see how this goes!.....
8.04.2009
My Body Is Killing Me
As I sit here, I think about that phrase....
Here is the current physical condition of my body:
I've suddenyl developed allergies, out of nowhere....(WTF?..)
I'm possibly fevering
I have had a congested nose for about a week
I have had a runny nose for about a week
I've got a scratchy throat
I can barely move my back and spine where it's connected to my pelvis
My lower right bicep hurts any time that I raise it above my head too far
My neck is tighter than it has ever been, specifically on the right side
And my back is also annoyingly tight...
I sit here and think "My body is killlllliiiing meeeeee"
And then I think, "Well, yeah, that's true."
And then I ask myself, "K wait, what, Ryan??" Lol.
My body is outside of my actual self. It is always aging, always diseasing or not, always deteriorating, and my soul is inside, doing its thing. I wanna say it is always getting stronger and stronger. And I wonder at the paradox of this. Why is it that as our souls get stronger, our body gets weaker? Why can't we have it all? For me to evolve spiritually, I must deteriorate this body?
Ooh, interesting tangent: I just read my Facebook horoscope and it said: "There may be a health or emotional problem you have to deal with, and while that may be something of a challenge, it could turn out to be more than worth the effort." Crazy!
Anyway, back to the conversation.
I see hope in the deterioration of my body, in that I love to evolve, and I love to feel like I'm headed forward...but then again, I don't want to depart from this world. As I don't know what is next for us -- for me -- I don't want to just die at some point and not be around all these amazing people I have connected with throughout my life. Hmm...
Something that is frustrating me lately:
I feel like I'm evolving, and I'm being this amazing person, and I'm doing all these things that align with this amazing me, and yet my financial life does not reflect that. I have been teaching myself how to be financially successful, and I am not seeing any successes...in fact, I am seeing the exact opposite. I have never been poorer, I have never wanted to do so much and not been able to because of my financial state...and it totally sucks. But I am, in the meantime, doing everything I can to continue on and looking toward the light at the end of the tunnel.
So as I sit here, I wonder: Why can't I have it all? I hear others doing so. I learn at Great Life that it's possible, and I trust it. And then it doesn't happen, and I get a bit confused...I get a bit distraught...and I get a bit more hopeless...and I just keep pushing on, doing what I can to have it all. But I am not feeling it. What needs to happen for it to finally click? When will I have it all? Be it all...
Here is the current physical condition of my body:
I've suddenyl developed allergies, out of nowhere....(WTF?..)
I'm possibly fevering
I have had a congested nose for about a week
I have had a runny nose for about a week
I've got a scratchy throat
I can barely move my back and spine where it's connected to my pelvis
My lower right bicep hurts any time that I raise it above my head too far
My neck is tighter than it has ever been, specifically on the right side
And my back is also annoyingly tight...
I sit here and think "My body is killlllliiiing meeeeee"
And then I think, "Well, yeah, that's true."
And then I ask myself, "K wait, what, Ryan??" Lol.
My body is outside of my actual self. It is always aging, always diseasing or not, always deteriorating, and my soul is inside, doing its thing. I wanna say it is always getting stronger and stronger. And I wonder at the paradox of this. Why is it that as our souls get stronger, our body gets weaker? Why can't we have it all? For me to evolve spiritually, I must deteriorate this body?
Ooh, interesting tangent: I just read my Facebook horoscope and it said: "There may be a health or emotional problem you have to deal with, and while that may be something of a challenge, it could turn out to be more than worth the effort." Crazy!
Anyway, back to the conversation.
I see hope in the deterioration of my body, in that I love to evolve, and I love to feel like I'm headed forward...but then again, I don't want to depart from this world. As I don't know what is next for us -- for me -- I don't want to just die at some point and not be around all these amazing people I have connected with throughout my life. Hmm...
Something that is frustrating me lately:
I feel like I'm evolving, and I'm being this amazing person, and I'm doing all these things that align with this amazing me, and yet my financial life does not reflect that. I have been teaching myself how to be financially successful, and I am not seeing any successes...in fact, I am seeing the exact opposite. I have never been poorer, I have never wanted to do so much and not been able to because of my financial state...and it totally sucks. But I am, in the meantime, doing everything I can to continue on and looking toward the light at the end of the tunnel.
So as I sit here, I wonder: Why can't I have it all? I hear others doing so. I learn at Great Life that it's possible, and I trust it. And then it doesn't happen, and I get a bit confused...I get a bit distraught...and I get a bit more hopeless...and I just keep pushing on, doing what I can to have it all. But I am not feeling it. What needs to happen for it to finally click? When will I have it all? Be it all...
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