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I haven’t written a blog in a long time. Wow, it’s been a while! I haven’t been here. Ever since I returned from Iceland, I haven’t quite been here…I’m not exactly sure where I’ve been, but I know I haven’t been HERE. Tonight, I am back to here. But I’m new. I’m renewed. I’m climbing up, pushing the muck to the side, and loving my journey. No one else has the exact ladder I have and I love that. Mine is a bit wobbly, it’s very, very tall, it is scary as hell, and it has a LOT of soda pop at the top of it (Mug, Pepsi, Coke and orange soda to be specific). None of this will make sense to any of you in the way that it does to me. And I find joy in that. I like the thought that I can have my own private thoughts that no one can truly access but me. ☺ I am powerful. And it’s kind of scary. But honestly, what isn’t scary to me? I like the fear. I don’t like when I stall myself because I am afraid, and tonight I see myself as Omnipotent. I am not a victim tonight, and that feels really good. “And when you’re sick, you seem to think you’ve failed eternally.” For those of my readers who feel that way, know that that lyric is true in my experience, but it’s not reality. Unless you want to make it YOUR reality. I don’t know why, but I do know that that sentiment was meant to be shared by me tonight. Maybe it’s just for me. Maybe it’s for if I ever forget that in my future and I get to have proof to myself that I know I can overcome everything I want to as long as I choose to want to. I am so grateful for my life. For life in general – the fact that I can breathe, and talk, and walk, and catch (albeit like a typical gay man), and scream, and sing, and love, and hug, and kiss, and cuddle, and listen, and plan, and empathize, and be free from the trapping tethers of judgment, and hear (different from listening), and see, and smile. And eat dried apple chips. These things are freaking delicious! Thanks, mom!


I am so intricate. I started out writing “complex.” And right now, I realize that that word connotes negativity in today’s world, so I chose to substitute it with intricate, which I feel is much more me, anyway. Heidi, I change your word to intricate.


We are all so intricate, aren’t we? Unique and beautiful. Please leave me a comment telling me how intricate, unique and beautiful you are. Just in case I’ve missed it. Thank you – very, very much.


Can You Feel Me Embracing You?


Ryan!