It's The Journey, Not The Destination

I’ve lived my whole life really easily. I’ve become comfortable with not trying. Life always came REALLY REALLY easily in all aspects. I was brilliant, a prodigy, so I never had to work to achieve any greatness or substance throughout school. The quintessential reference I use is when I was a freshman in college and never went to my Environmental Science class, because it was too early in the morning for my lazy ass, but I would ace every single test without studying or coming to class or anything, Even though that was the subject I knew least about, I always aced the tests because somehow the information just came to me, it was just there and it all made sense. I’d be one of the first three done with every test I took and I’d leave the class and go hang out at my friend’s dorms and surf the internet and just chill. Really, it was a great time, other than the random bouts of guilt I felt.

Throughout my life, even well past childhood, I got basically whatever I wanted, served to me on a platter. It’s not that I was a spoiled kid, and I was not bratty in the least. My parents had taught me to be polite and humble and respect that which I was given, and because I was the baby and the only boy, my parents would just give me everything in the world. I wouldn’t ask for it, I wouldn’t cry about it, and I mean, there are some things that I wanted that I never got, but overall I got basically whatever I wanted, and was treated as if I deserved the world. It was a great upbringing. Even after the divorce, I still got a lot…my mom felt like it would keep us happy and feeling normal and keep us from hating our lives and keep us together as a family if we went on a bunch of vacations, so my teens were filled with vacations to amazing places at least once a year. I mean, what 12-year-old can say that two years prior, his father had rocked our world by leaving us, thus taking away about two-thirds of the income, and now he was going to Hawai’i and staying in a $500-a-night beachside resort, followed the next year by heading to Florida and cruising to Key West (where his mom bought him an indigenous-style tribal mask that cost $125) and then to Cozumel, Mexico – a location that most adults have always wanted to visit yet never have? And that was just the tip of the iceberg. I had a very privileged childhood, but I never felt I deserved any of it.

As a child, I was always surprised when I received things because I never had any forethought that I “deserved” those things, or that I “should” have things, so I never tacked onto those items the belief that I was more worthy than others for receiving the items. Conversely, after my parents divorced, my soul spiraled to utter death and I tacked onto EVERYthing that it meant that I didn’t deserve love and that I wasn’t worthy of ANYthing. Spending a dream-week in Hawai’i wouldn’t change that. Spending a week cruising the West Caribbean wouldn’t change that. Being given the gift from my family of flying alone to Missouri to meet up with them instead of having to fly out earlier with them and miss a play I was supposed to be in didn’t change that belief. Additionally, within the span of ten years of my childhood (a liberal allotment for the purposes of this post), traveling to Illinois (at least once every year or two), Jackson Hole and Yellowstone a couple times, Montana, Idaho, California (at least once or twice a year), Arizona a few times, Wyoming, Kansas several times, Nebraska, Michigan, Wisconsin, Indiana, Mexico, Florida and Vegas a few times never changed that. Cruising from L.A. to Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan and Cabo San Lucas didn’t change it. Borrowing my dad’s truck with 3 of my friends and going on a Senior Trip to San Francisco, spending all my money on beautiful clothes and hanging out on the piers, visiting Angel Island and Alcatraz and living it up, three teenagers running amok in Frisco didn’t change any beliefs I held.

The next year, when I road tripped with a friend to San Francisco, Vegas, L.A. – where her rich aunt put us up in the nicest hotel in the city for free so we wouldn’t have to sleep in the car or a hostel – and then, after calling my dad and asking him to wire us a couple hundred more dollars so we could continue our vacation, stopped into Phoenix to visit another friend before all three of us then headed to Puerto Penasco in Baja California, Mexico to spend a weekend for free in the Phoenix friend’s boyfriend’s multi-million-dollar BEACHSIDE CONDO with a rainforest shower right outside the back door and prime access to the beach just by exiting the back door didn’t even prove those “I’m irreparably broken and unworthy” beliefs to be wrong. Hell, even just recently, the five amazing, basically free days I spent in Cabo barely changed any of those beliefs! Even going to Vegas with my best friend and receiving everything down there for free, including several hundred dollars to gamble with, $250 in beautiful Armani Exchange clothing and even the tattoos on my wrists – which so deeply define me as a spirit in this secular world – didn’t remove my limiting beliefs.

One belief I carried around to define and make sense of most of these events remained: that these were all just things I had to do, as part of the family, or as a good friend, or just because the vacation was something I decided to do in my life, so it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary or anything that made me special. Over the last thirteen years, who else could go on forty-four vacations personally costing me under probably two or three grand TOTAL and still hold the belief that life is ordinary and plain and that I don’t deserve anything and that I had such a terrible childhood?? And that’s really only the vacations that came easily to my mind…there were others I’m remembering even now that I went on with my dad and his new family throughout those years… On the conservative estimate, that’s one vacation every 4 months, if not more often, for thirteen years straight, each one averaging me ONLY $45-$100. And they were never run-of-the-mill vacations, either. They were fabulous vacations that would make most any other person incredibly jealous and excited.

When I went to Iceland, I didn’t know how to explain it to anyone else, really for one reason only. I felt like it was something normal, so I didn’t know how to convey to others how amazing it in fact was. Everyone asked me when I returned “Wow, how was that??” with such eager anticipation and I killed it with “Yeah, it was pretty superb/amazing/wonderful.” I could see the excited look in their face just sit there waiting for more detail about exactly just how unique and special it was, and I could find no words to say…in my eyes, it felt special (a little), but it seemed so run-of-the-mill to me…I mean, it’s Iceland for god sake! That is not a run-of-the-mill locale, but it felt like it to me because I took it for granted so quickly. Right now, I’m planning my year out, and I plan to head to Pismo Beach, India, and back to Iceland and I’m not incredibly inspired by it…not as much as I think I should be, at least. When people learn my plans to visit India, they inquire “Wow, what for!? How amazing would that be??” and my only reply is “Yeah. I mean, I haven’t experienced it, so I don’t know, but I’m sure it will be pretty awesome.”

And truthfully, part of me is nervous I’ll spend the thousand to fly there and totally not enjoy it. And I think that is why part of me is putting off earning the money to go. I have a virtually perfect setup: I have a continuous temporary job that expires the last week of May (right before my lease ends and right before I want to head out to Pismo) that will earn me almost enough to visit Pismo and India, and I just got hired on with the text-answer service ChaCha, which will provide me with probably an extra $300 a month while I’m still in the states, as well as once I’m overseas, and I am sabotaging it already. I can only assume I am because I’m apprehensive about not enjoying India, so instead of potentially waste the money, I’d rather just fuck myself over so I can’t go in the first place. But why?? Because if I go, and I spend all that money, and I don’t like it, then not only will I be out the money that I spent time saving up, but even deeper, I’ll be wrong, and I’ll have to deal with telling everyone that I didn’t really enjoy it, and see their faces sink once again. Just in this one sentence, I have made up so many stories that go very deep and completely run my life if I don’t stay aware of them…think about how many other stories I and we all create for the REST of our lives…

First off: I don’t HAVE to tell anyone anything about my trip. Well, actually, that should be at least second…let’s go a little further back…first off, I don’t have to retain the belief around money that I currently have, which is that I have to work, doing something I hate to receive any of it, especially any amount in excess. So far, I have not had ANY experience otherwise. I wish I could break through that belief because it limits me so heavily…I’d say it is the belief I have that most limits my life and my expression of myself. Oh my God, I could go so deep with this one…and even though it’s way too late, I am going to, because right now is the time, I feel it…Maybe it limits me from expressing my true self most because it is the challenge that I need to face in order to express myself freely, and once I truly do that, especially on a consistent basis, then I will break that limit…it’s not about the barrier being broken (or me waiting for the barrier to be removed for me) in order for me to be free; it is that being free breaks the barrier. But I have lost myself and felt identity-less for so long that I don’t know what aspect of me is the “right” aspect to express freely. And I don’t want to hurt people by expressing myself how I want and then later learning that that was a juvenile part of me and as I mature and find my true self I find something else in me that is the “actual me” and I’m not believed because I cried wolf in a sense by expressing something else totally different, and branding myself in a totally different way. I wonder who else and how many others think of expressing themselves as branding themselves. My mindset is SO businessman, it’s freakin’ crazy. Probably literally. If only I could execute, I would be the perfect businessman or business partner.

Maybe I will learn to execute by being Myself. By ascertaining the real Me, and creating routines around that Me in order to procure a stable and consistent Me then I will be able to learn how to execute in a business manner as well. Now I feel almost complete…The things I want to do most in the world are: to learn how to execute efficiently and create immense value in this world (financially); to learn how to SCUBA dive, surf, dance ballet professionally, and play the piano; to go skydiving; to get fit and FINE and go out to a sexy gay club and “superparty it up” as I like to call it and have gorgeous sweaty men all over me and glitter and confetti falling all around us have the time of my life ALL THE TIME; and to be a leader, evolver and mover-and-shaker in politics, specifically in the gay movement, beginning at the regional level, then moving up to the state level, then moving up to the national level and then enjoying the international arena. With all of that accomplished, I would feel I’d lived a truly full and successful life, and would know that there was much more incredible life to come. I’m beginning this by fully quitting smoking cold turkey and implementing P90X again in my life. I have created systems to assist me in really achieving these goals: Creating sheets to hang up on my bedroom wall where I can mark off how many days I’ve been free of nicotine and how many days I’ve exercised with P90X that basically congratulate me for doing both those things, as well as hanging up lighters around my room that have a paper taped to them that says “NO!!” in bold lettering, so that it reminds me that even picking up any part of the habit is something I’ve committed to myself that I never want to do. Additionally, I’ve planned my schedule out such that I create a routine that works for me in that I wake up every morning between 5 and 5:30 (based on that day’s events) and workout for an hour and get everything ready first thing of the day, before I even go to work so that I’m in a routine mindset where working out comes first no matter what, and so I’m always energized for the day before I head to work, thereby starting my day off with MUCH more clarity and peace of mind.

Hmm, I feel like there’s a sliver more somewhere in me, but I can’t immediately find it and I’d rather get a decent amount of sleep tonight than stay up for hours searching for it…and after getting all of that out, I can finally get to sleep anyhow, haha. So good night, thanks for listening, and I truly hope this inspired you somewhere in your life…somewhere deep. I know it did for me.

Peace and Love, Blog Buddies


Upcoming blogs to look forward to this week:
“A Letter To My Body,” “How Kindness Has Affected My Life” and “My Calm and Rational But Nowhere Near P.C. Beliefs About Religion” – Enjoy!

Thursday, September 17, 2009 6:16 PM – BLOG

I have two hours before dinner so I am going to eek in a quick blog for y’all. Ironically, it’s actually Day 9 today, haha!

So, the biggest news: I got to see seals! :D Gizzly took me, Ana, Elise, and Svenya kayaking yesterday morning, and we kayaked right up to a group of about 20 seals. I was smart and planned ahead (i.e., before I even left Iceland…) and purchased a waterproof one-use camera, so I got to take pictures, and everyone else had digital cameras that they didn’t wanna ruin, so they could only kayak around and look at them. Most of them were pretty camera-shy – every time I would lift up my camera to snap a picture, they would dive underwater, like they knew what I was about to do! But at the end as we were rowing back to shore, one came up on my side (only approx. 10 meters away!), and it was quite the little attention whore. I snapped one picture and then turned to row away, thinking I was lucky for being able to get that one and all of a sudden I hear a bit of a splash and looked around me back toward where it was and it was sitting there breathing heavily out of its nostrils and splashing around. So I lifted my camera to take another picture, but I paused because I didn’t want to waste any film, and I assumed it would just flip down underwater because now it was staring RIGHT at me (plus, the whole time I’d been out kayaking, I was scared to death that they’d be suspicious of us humans and purposely gang up on us and try and flip our kayaks, so I didn’t want to anger it with my excessive picture-taking, of course!). And it just kept staring at me, as if to say “Uhhhh, c’mon, take a great picture already, I don’t have all day here!” So I did take a picture. An awesome picture. Haha. Oh, by the way, I’ve learned that “awesome” in German is “gael,” and we have coined a term here at the workcamp – “supergael!!” Haha! We also say “Chin-chin!” every time we toast or “cheers” one another, but that is Japanese, and means something totally different…Haha!

Oh, and I didn’t end up going horseback riding yesterday. Haha. I don’t know what was up, but I was SOOOO freaking tired. I came back from kayaking and napped for a few hours, then I had lunch (leftovers of the famed potatoes and meatloaf from the last blog hehe) – and then I napped again! The girls who went kayaking with me made fun of my snoring sound…so I guess I officially snore then…sigh. Anyways, then the girls and I (and Koya) went to this really awkward “natural” hot pot that was completely full of algae (health benefits, maybe? Lol), and we jumped into the freezing fjord and then STRAIGHT back into the hot pot! Haha. It was very awkward, but very fun.

So, update on the work! We have made some good progress on the painting of the barn…we may actually get that done before we leave! And we will probably finish the stone path by the end of tomorrow! I am so excited, because that means I get two days of work other than this stone path that I have done for, like, a week or so straight now! If you were here doing it, you would know how exciting that news is, haha. Anyhow, I think I will go play some cards (maybe Solitaire ::frowny face::), and I will report to all you lovely blog buddies later. Love You!

Ryan!

Oh, P.S. -- I'm not sure if I've listed anywhere in these blogs all the people who were at the workcamp, so I will do that now:

• Elise, who is French and lives in Belgium
• Winnie (given name is Xiao-Lu), Taiwan
• Raphael, Austria
• Anna, Germany
• Svenja, Germany
• Me, USA :)
• Mauro, Italy ("Environmental Messenger"/Camp Leader B)
  
• Lukas, Slovakia (Camp Leader A)
  
• Matt, Turkish in ethnicity but was raised mostly in Canada and currently lives in London
• Koya, Japan
• Hosts -- Gisli (owner) and Stella (his mom/cook)

Also, don't worry, I will write more another day about my final times in Iceland and the journey back. :)

Tuesday, September 15, 2009 1:28 PM – BLOG

Okay! So here I am in Iceland and it is Day…shit, I don’t even know, haha…I think it’s Day 9? And today is the first day I’ve had time to blog! Our days have been so full and busy, with almost no time for pause between waking and retiring.

Here’s the basic “programme” (how Europeans say “schedule”) for each day:

• Breakfast some time between 8 and 9 am
• Start working an hour after breakfast begins, until about 1 pm
• Lunch until 2 pm
• Start working again until around 5 or 5:30 pm.

o Sometimes we have a “coffee break” around 3ish. Because I don’t drink caffeine, this break is a nice excuse to sit. After sitting A LOT the last year while working at Great Life, I never thought I’d see the day that I actually wanted to sit. Now I CRAVE sitting. It’s nice to have a break from the rigorous work here.

Iceland has these natural phenomena called “hot pots.” They are basically like Mother Nature’s hot tubs – or like Utah’s hot springs. But the way they are formed and geothermically heated is via Iceland’s volcanoes. And there are 4 of them on the property at which we are staying, so usually every night after work at some point, we will go into these and just hang out. They are incredibly relaxing. I think there are nutrients in the water, brought from the volcanic material or something like that, so it really helps your muscles relax naturally. It’s quite the way to top off the night.

Our host’s name is Gizzly (I’m sure that is not how it is spelled, but because I don’t know how to spell it correctly, and even if I did, you probably wouldn’t know how to pronounce it correctly, I figured I’d just spell it phonetically and make it easier on both of us, haha!), and his mother’s name is Stella (much easier to spell correctly…). I think they’ve both lived in (rural) Iceland much too long. She’s a bit of crazy (from working WAY too much) and he’s incredibly contemplative and quiet. He has on his property his home, a hotel, a small home-cookin’ restaurant (literally home-cookin’; his mother cooks all our meals), a stable with approx. 10 horses and a whole campground area for those who wanna come stay on his property but not in the hotel (probably very similar to the concept of a hostel with its campground). He also has a very large barn, which has a greenhouse appended onto it. Outside the greenhouse are three of the hot pots, while inside is the remaining hot pot, as well as a regular-sized pool, Inside the barn is a very large (and very dirty/cluttered) storage area (like, to store tractors and other farm tools and vehicles).

So, anyway, I thought that I’d be out camping, roughing it in RIDICULOUS conditions, ya know…Like, I brought with me brasil nuts (even thought I didn’t like them) and almonds, and all my protein shake powder and quite a bit of Propel Fitness powder and even a huge tin can of dried apples that I had in my house in case of, like, what is that called…what LDS people save up for. I don’t even know why I have it, haha! My mom just gave it to me and told me to keep it for my “food storage” and I kept it because I like dried apples and I knew it’d appease her. But I guess it’s supposed to be my supply for the Apocalypse or something. Anyhow, I even brought those. Haha!

Anyway, we get here to this guy’s property and it’s like a hotel in the middle of nowhere. I mean, it’s not some ritzy hotel, mind you, but it’s kind of bed-n-breakfast-style. It’s quaint, and it’s simple, and it’s cozy, and best of all: IT’S WARM! Like, as in, they have heaters for basically each room that I can control myself. I can change the temperature any time I want. I love it. It’s seriously luxurious this temperature issue.

In case you haven’t heard, it’s pretty cold in Iceland. This past week, it’s fluctuated between 5-12 degrees Celsius. Ah! Yea! I just remembered I have a converter on my laptop! As I’m sure you’re all well aware, America is dumb and is the ONLY country that uses miles, inches, Fahrenheit, feet, pounds, gallons, etc. etc. So I have been slowly learning the metric system this week! All the other people here are European or Asian, so they all talk about things in kilos and milliliters and meters and centimeters and Celsius, so I have gotten to not only “master” (lol) converting dollars into Pounds Sterling…and Euros…AND Kronurs, but also “master” (lol) the metric system to be able to keep up with them all. So anyway, that was a tangent…I went and calculated in my converter and that means the temperature here has been fluctuating between approximately 40 and 55 degrees Fahrenheit – and that is during the daytime. So I am VERY appreciative that we are housed inside and have the ability to heat ourselves. We keep a “diary” each night with just quick snippets of what the day was like, and ours is written in the same book as the previous workcamps’ this year, so we’ve been able to read what their camps were like, and the one right before us didn’t have a shower OR electricity! So yes, I am VERY appreciative.

The work we are doing:

• Building a stone path from the campground’s bathrooms to the river in the middle of the campground area – approximately 100 meters long.
• Painting the whole outside of his barn.
• Cleaning and tidying the storage area inside his barn.
• Cleaning the algae out of the hot pots.
• Drilling a hole in one of the rocks by one of the outside hot pots so that he can put a pipe through it.
• Cleaning up the bathrooms that belong to the campground.
• Removing these HUGE weeds and then feeding them to the horses.
• Removing a barbed wired fence around part of his property (which according to the team that did it actually ended up being a lot more difficult than it originally seemed).
• Pulling the weeds around the 3 outside hotpots.
• Planting some flowers inside the greenhouse.
• SPECIAL NOTE FOR HEIDI HAAS: NOOOOO, we did NOT pick up ANY poop, specifically that belonging to a bird!! Hahahaha!
• I think that is all…

We have not yet finished painting the whole barn, and honestly, probably won’t before we leave, by the looks of it. We made a surprising amount of progress cleaning the storage area out. You could barely even walk around beforehand (it was seriously worse than my room has EVER been!), and now there are multiple, easily accessible and navigable paths throughout the barn, and everything in there looks really nicely tidy! Also, we are still working on the stone path (since Day One! It’s fuckin’ crazy how long this is taking us!) and we will probably finish that on the last day we are here working. Everything else is already completed! Which means that once we finish painting the outside of the barn (if we choose to continue that project), then we will have all 8 of us working on the stone path project and we will make much faster progress. This is my team, so this makes me very happy to think about! Haha. When we started it, we had only 4 men on it, and we made an average of like 7-9 meters per day, and today we gained two women and we have already doubled our speed to about 15-18 meters or so in one day, so once we have even more of us, we will be done in no time! Yes!

We worked Tuesday-Thursday and then had Friday and Saturday off. We then worked again on Sunday until tonight, and will have tomorrow off, then we will work Thursday-Saturday, have a day off on Sunday, work Monday, and then head out on Tuesday. On our days off, we do any sort of random things. For instance, our first day off, we just lazed around all day (which was great – it felt like I was back home! Haha), playing cards, getting to know one another and hot potting the night away. Tomorrow, half of us will go out driving a few hours to Isafjordur (pronounced ees-uh-fyor-derr) to shop and…well, whatever else there is to do there…it’s a “city” of 3,000, so who knows what there is there Lol. The other half of us will get up early to go kayaking! (Based on the exclamation point, maybe you will have learned that I am in that awesome group) That will only take a couple of hours, so when we return I will either nap or go horseback riding. Our camp leader, Lukas, implied that kayaking tires you out, so he chuckled when I said I’d be going horseback riding afterward. But we’ll see…either way, I know I’ll be going at some point tomorrow, haha. And then on the next day off (either Sunday or Monday), the half that went kayaking will go out to Isafjordur.

So I have been working out amazingly via all this work, right? I’m lovin’ it, and actually, it’s gotten me into thinking about how I’d like to check out the construction industry for a future job or career…more on that later, though…and I don’t know how much fat I’ve lost (I say fat instead of weight because I believe my numerical weight has risen because of the muscle I am adding to my body), but I do know that I have noticed a difference in the size of my face, which I am very happy about. And then the worst thing ever happened today. I lie, ‘cause it was actually the best thing (regarding meals, at least), but regarding my weight, it was the worst, lol. Anyway, the occurrence was: Stella cooked meatloaf and potatoes tonight! It was great, we had an American meal!!! A little preface here for your understanding at why I am so happy…we have had fish for basically every meal since we have arrived. I mean, it’s good fish…it’s fresh fish…it’s great and all, BUT…after, 20 meals of fish, you start to want to shoot the harpoon through your OWN head, not the fish’s. Haha! Oh – and the only type of fish I have ever had before was sushi, which doesn’t really count as fish, if you ask me (which is why I’ll eat it with zeal), and I only have sushi approx. once every month or few…So anyway, tonight’s meal was AMAZING and I ran up to my room and got my ketchup and ran back down to the dining room and drenched my food in it and dug in and got all sorts of giddy and shit! Ah, it was so great! Especially ‘cause I was getting very homesick this afternoon. It was literally the absolutely most perfect timing.

Now…you’re wondering why I have ketchup with me in Iceland, right?…I don’t quite know why you’re wondering this…it’s not at all out of the ordinary…but if you must know…For our “International Evening,” which we will have as probably the last night that we are here, we were told to bring stuff from our country, like movies, games, music, foods, recipes, etc. etc. This is somewhere where I got tied up, ‘cause America TRULY has nothing of its own, save country music (oh, God…), but especially regarding food, so I was STUCK! STUCK I TELL YOU!!! Haha. But finally, I had a stroke of brrrrilliance! I’ll take with me green jello and ketchup and mayonnaise and with the ketchup and mayo, I will make fry sauce! Genius, yes, I know. Give me accolades when I get home. Haha! (God, I love how funny I am!)

Oh! One last thing. There is actually cell phone service here. How crazy, eh? We are in Heydalur, a small valley area, right close to a fjord and in the middle of a few large-ridged “mountains” (I put mountains in quotes because they are not mountains to us Utahans. At best they are medium-sized hills, but here I think they are considered mountains…). Anyhow, we are living in a valley, pretty and all (and there are blueberry bushes EVERYWHERE on the mountains), and guess where the cell phone service is. Yup. At the VERY top of the “mountain.” Which is a good…mmm, maybe two-hour hike. Yeah, so needless to say, I have not been on my cell phone much! We went fishing one afternoon, and the lake was on top of the mountain, and so I thought ahead and brought my phone with me and was able to call my mom for about ten minutes which was nice. She hadn’t heard from me since I had landed in Reykjavik (pronounced reh-kya-veek) and I think she was getting a bit worried…

Anyhow, I think I will probably go now. A few more things I’d like to say, but this is getting INCREDIBLY long, and I might just remember to include those things in the next blog I write.

Until Next Time,

Love, Peace, Happiness and Equality,

Ryan!

[HA! I just found out it is actually only Day 7!]

Reykjavik Syndrome -- or, more the opposite...

I am here in Reykjavik, and I feel totally alone. It sucks...Not being here, but feeling this. Don't get me wrong, I am glad I am here and have taken this little excursion..I just feel alone. It seems everyone here wants to get to know each other..until it comes to me...like, even my roommates are just like "Eh, hi." and that's where the friendliness stops. :(

I have learned that the next time I go do something like this, I will arrive at least two days ahead of time. I need a full day to recoup after the travel (Alex was totally right!). They have some pretty cool day tour stuff around here, and some decent stuff to check out in the city, too, but I have neither the energy nor time to check it all out like I'd like to. Which has partially led to my down-ness.

I can't wait 'til I get started at the workcamp. I think that experience will be quite different than this one. Or at least let's hope, because there will only be 8 of us, presumably pretty much alone with one another the whole time, so I hope connection-wise it's not a repeat of my roommates today, haha! Hopefully they'll be wowed by my green Jello and fry sauce...haha. Oh! Guess what I found out today....yes, they do have McDonalds and whatnot here (yea for familiar food!) but the menu is all in Icelandic, so ordering is made into difficult guesswork anyhow! Lol. I went to the mall and I was tired and famished after buying an emergency phone, and was like "Ahh, I'll just hit the McDonald's real quick for something familiar and safe and comfortable" and then I get up to the counter and the guy barely speaks English anyway, and I'm just like "Well, here's the gist of what I want, but I can't read your menu, so please just give me the closest thing you have..." Lol.

I've never felt like the "new kid" before, and I definitely do here. I've always thought it was simply a made-up belief and therefore behavior, and I still think it is to an extent, but I definitely have learned compassion for all the "new kids" out there...I will retain what I've learned to be able to relate to my kids later if they are ever the "new kid" in school or whatever...The thing about hostel culture is everyone stays here for a few days or weeks, and they all get to know each other, and then when say, a timid, tired, ornery American pops in for a day, it's like "Eh, who is he?" and there's no time to build any relationships. So I totally get it on my end.

Anyhow, I look forward to the workcamp starting tomorrow...I know I will feel hella rewarded as I do some hard labor all day for the next couple of weeks, and bond with the new people there. We all will be "new kids" there, so we'll all feel for one another, haha.

In the meantime, there is an incredibly hot Brit across the room from me with his semi-cute friend and I wish the other creepier European kid in front of him would talk a lot more quietly so that I can hear more of his beautiful British accent....lol. MMMMM

Until Next Time (And None Of Us Truly Know When That Will Be Haha!),

Ryan!


Oh, P.S. -- I've been notified by a friend that she has been posting comments and apparently I've been deleting them, but I haven't received comments on my blogs for probably, like, the last 5 or so, on my side, so if this is the case with you as well, just know it's something technical going on, I guess...