The Honeymooners

I think love is a chance for us to grow as human and spiritual beings, where two don’t become one but learn how to grow together on separate paths, each complementing the other. I've never been able to put it into words that well, so I stole those words from someone else. And I'm glad I read this and was able to wrap my world around these words. This weekend, I've been struggling a bit with love...what my concept of it is, how I feel it should look, the entropy that has defined my love life and consequently, my beliefs about love and further consequently, my behaviors in love. I have come to the realization that I have never really felt love for anyone. I have felt perhaps what mankind coins as love for a few people, and I have garnered much respect for many others as well. And I've now fully come to the realization that I cannot yet say with integrity that I have ever felt and behaved in the manner of deep, spiritual love. How empowering. A few blogs ago, a blog buddy of mine commented that I am too hard on myself, in her experience. Since then, I have noticed when I am being too hard on myself, and have scaled it back a little bit. I had never seen myself as being too hard on myself because my only experience with discipline and then forward movement was being beat by my dad and then going through Great Life. Not two amazing examples of taking the easy road of disciplining oneself...Haha. Oh, wow...that may be why I have never cared to learn self-discipline...I've always seen it as limiting and angry and "hard." But if I am making up the terms on which I will be disciplined, then it can be whatever it will be for me, as long as it works....what a fresh new way to look at self-discipline! I feel complete with this blog, even though it seems neither linear nor resolved whatsoever, to the outside eye. But it feels good to me right now. May Peace, Love and Gratitude fly with you.

Founders is the most influential LGAT I've ever encountered

Is it technically cheesing out on a committment if I snuck in and started the last blog at the last minute before the day ended, though I didn't finish it until the clock had past the strike of midnight? I vote no so I can have peace of mind. That's a win/win: you get a lovely new blog and I get peace of mind. Me likey :)
(In perfect truth, I started it before midnight on Saturday so the published time stamp would be then, but then I slept for TWELVE HOURS, haha, and am now actually starting to type it all at 4:12 pm on Sunday....and I probablhy won't finish it til like, 7 pm-ish tonight...)

So I have quite a bit to blog about today. I staffed the final day of Founders and wow, was it spectacular. I'm upset I choose not to go into details, in order to save the sacredness for those who have not yet experienced it, but I can say that I did something I have not done in....god, I don't even know how many years...maybe six? I prayed. In front of 40 other people. And I did something I have never done before. I prayed with a full, contrite, grateful heart. It truly was one of the top experiences of my life, that moment. And I thank Jayson Orvis, Brett Harward, Jocelyn Harward, Randy Blosil and, mostly, Walter Allred for bringing me that experience.

I never knew I could feel so intimately entwined with any form of deity. I never knew that I could feel as a deity myself. I never believed I could feel so secure surrounded by my closest loved ones. I never thought that I would be thankful for some of the things that came to me. I am so grateful for the opportunity to have noticed the things I am most grateful for, and really come to terms with my life in the most powerful, clearest way possible.

I was bawling throughout the prayer, swearing a couple times, too (haha) -- it was the sheerest moment of my perfection. And I am SO, unrepayably (if that is a word...if not, it is now) grateful and indebted to Walt, Randy and Jocelyn. I am upset that this blog could never -- nor could mere mortal expression -- highlight, let alone fully express, either the gratitude I feel toward them, or the peace and love I feel for myself and for the spiritual part of me, that beautiful essence of me with which I have so long feared connection. Neither could I ever humanly express what I experienced. It was the breakthrough of breakthroughs for me in this moment of my life. It was like connecting with everyone in the entire world simultaneously in the same moment and bringing that home to myself, and feeling every piece of the depths of it in my heart. It was like glimpsing at whatever it is that makes up the oneness of us all and saying "I love you" and having that love silently, humbly returned to me. It was forgiveness and peace and clarity. It was generosity and love and humility. It was complete oneness. It was grace. And yes, it was definitely How God Enrolls. It was the deepest moment I have ever experienced in my life, and I am grateful that it was first and foremost with myself, as well as with my dearest buddies.

Thank you to all of those who share this blog with me. Thank you for listening. Thank you for your compassion and care. Thank you for your depth, your trust, your willingness, and your peaceful grace.

Now it is your turn:
What is the deepest moment you have ever experienced? How do you feel about spirituality, and what is the path you have taken to come to that conclusion?

I IMMENSELY look forward to reading your comments.

With Love, Peace and Grace,

Ryan!