"If"
Projects depend on everyone doing his or her part. People who use "if" are usually playing the blame game and betting against themselves. They like to set conditions, rather than assuming a successful outcome. People who rely on conditional responses are fortifying themselves against potential failure. They will say, "If Bob finishes his part, then I can do my part." They're laying the groundwork for a "no fault" excuse and for not finishing their work.
There are always alternatives, other routes, and ways to get the job done. Excuse makers usually have the energy of a slug and the spine of a jellyfish. You don't want them on your team when you're trying to climb Mt. Everest.
As I've been (thinking and talking about) working on this TV show, I've used "if" many times. And this isn't even a Mt. Everest to me. This is cake, in that, everything is lined up for me already, I just get to coalesce and lead the team. But therein lies the challenge for me. I use "if" at every turn with this one BECAUSE it relies on other people doing their part -- or so I formerly thought. What these 2 beautiful little paragraphs assisted me in seeing is that in reality, my success with this project relies on my ability to lead and forge ahead. Sure, the person I lined up to actually do the filming may punk out, but the success does not rely solely on him; he could just be a good scapegoat on whom I can blame my inability to sculpt my success. In reality, if he leaves the project, then cool, that's what he wants to do...where is my next step? Well, it seems that it would be to find someone else who is willing to travel with me and film. We step left and adjust. And the same goes for anyone who is involved in the project. Ironically, the only person I can not do that with is myself. If I choose out of the project (which I do one piece at a time with all these "if" statements), there is no one to replace me -- to sculpt MY success, that is. The project may be completed by someone else some other time in life, but it won't be for my gain. I will not have learned about myself. I will not have forged true connections. I will not have proven myself as strong as I want to be. I will not have given it my all. And the project will go to someone else.
(Eric, here's your reluctantly placed line break)
So, what's my next step with this iffue? (Yes, that's a cute/corny play on words. Deal with it.) One might say changing "if" to "when" but for me that doesn't necessarily feel right. It feels shallow. I could say "When so-and-so completes his part of the task, we will succeed," but that doesn't take the whole issue/iffue into account. That mindset still allows for MY success to rely wholly on someone else. So I get to conform my mindset to: "When I feel complete with this part of the task, we will succeed."
Thoughts?
Love, Peace and Kisses,
Ry
I liken the if conundrum to throwing a party. Successful parties are ones that are going to happen whether you show up or not.
ReplyDeleteIf you are throwing a successful party you don't call people and say "what do you think about this night or that night, what should we do at the party",etc.
Yo call people up and say, party is happening, this day, at this time and this is what we are doing.
By doing the latter, people will be inspired to show up because they don't want to be left out and possible miss awesomeness.
In other words, if the party is contingent upon: "if they show up there will be a party", people can tell and if they don't go they don't miss a thing.
I think it is the same way for projects, stands, charities and especially relationships (if they don't___ then I won't ___)
On another note, I would say the if conundrum doesn't apply when used from the space of what if... like what if I could fly :)