"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."
--Nelson Mandela
How many of us are afraid of HIV/AIDS? Are you? Did you just contemplate closing your browser after reading that question? If so, I would wager that you are. If you kept it open, still inventory yourself. You may be afraid of it, but willing to learn more. That is what we need to do to relinquish any fear we have from the hold it loves to keep on us. We learn about it. We experience it. We live a life that includes it in some aspect of our being. Now, (obviously) I am not saying "Hey, let's all go out and get HIV, so we can have some compassion..." But how many of us are too scared of it to even include it somewhere in our lives?
I'm beginning by calling out myself.
I have been SO scared of even approaching the topic of HIV/AIDS ANYwhere in my life. I have judged those who have contracted HIV as whores, sluts, irresponsible men who have no idea how to take care of themselves, or have any compassion for anyone else, so why should I have compassion for them??? HOWEVER, what I see now is that I chose to live in that judgment because it was too scary, as an uneducated gay man, for me to be able to approach a positive individual and say "I love you." What an atrocity, for that would mean that I might be labeled as positive! I could never endure such judgment -- the very same judgment I was casting and expecting others to endure.
I continue by calling you out.
How much do you know about HIV? How much have you educated yourself? How often do you reach out to those who have HIV? How many excuses have you already thrown up in defense of yourself? Too often, we believe it is not OUR burden to bear. Well, TRUST, it is not a burden. It is a gift -- in my opinion -- to be able to see someone with such beautiful compassion and see them through eyes wiped clean.
How often do you pity someone you've learned has HIV? How often do you ask if someone is "clean" (implying that if they have HIV or AIDS, they are "dirty")? How often do those with HIV/AIDS keep it a secret? How ashamed are they that they have it? On the other hand, let's be accountable: How many times do we judge those who live with HIV, fostering an environment in which they feel ashamed to be who they really are?
These are the words of a friend who is gay, lives with HIV, and has lived in Salt Lake City:
"The Community in Salt Lake are the prime example of hypocrites. They want equality from a church, yet they don't accept people with HIV...the community is SO uninformed. I hated being known as someone created by a community and not for who I really am. So I dealt with the humiliation and segregation from those who I called my friends."This is ONE person. I've spoken with another friend about HIV/AIDS -- a public force in our community -- and he feels similarly.
Tyler Helms, who created IMPACT Red, now writes a bi-weekly column in The Advocate, called "Living the Questions" about what it is like to do just that. This decade is the time of education -- positive members of society truly are living the questions such that the rest of us may choose to educate ourselves with the answers. This is enough for which to honor these positive heroes. Tyler writes:
"I was finding that society expected full disclosure, would hold you
accountable for any risk, but was virtually unprepared for the openness. But demanding honesty and integrity is hard to do in a society that encourages truth but would prefer not to know it. In a city....where you will be heckled for speaking out about a truth that impacts us all. It even gets the most vocal of us down.
"But those willing to embark on a relationship with someone positive seem rare. The majority of people I meet are more willing to donate than go on a date. Perhaps this is why so many keep their secret from those they love. In the days following my December 1 public disclosure, I received an unsettling number of notes from people who are positive but have told no one. I sadly understand why they don’t. The fear of being alone, being judged, or not finding love often makes disclosure too great a risk — a risk that still is prevalent in 2010. To think they keep this secret from loved ones, hookups, and in some cases long-term partners is shocking. It’s also dangerous to our society."
What do WE do to educate? About the facts, and about the emotion? What do we do to encourage debate, to instigate learning, to honor those who teach? What are we doing to further this epidemic? How are OUR choices impacting US as a whole? What is our perspective around those who live their days with HIV/AIDS? Would we -- really -- reach out to someone who becomes positive?
Because whether we are gay or straight, or positive or negative, the answers -- and the questions themselves -- involve us aligning as one bloc: loving, powerful, clear and COMMITTED.
You and me, we're cut from the same cloth
It seems to some we famously get along
But you and me are strangers to each other
'Cause you and me: competitive to the bone.
Such tragedy to trample on each other with how much we've endured,
We are not all for one and one for all.
You and me have felt impotent in our skin,
You and me have taken it out on each other.
Such a pity to disavow each other with how far we've come --
With how strong we've been!
You and me are on this pendulum together,
You and me, with scarcity still fueling,
You and me have made it harder for the other;
We forget how hard separatism has been.
You and me, we can help change their minds together (with)
You and me in alignment until the end.
--Alanis Morissette, from the song "Sister Blister"
