Yea, a game! Count how many times I say the Fuck word!

Did you feel unworthy today? Did you feel like you were too fat? Did you feel too black? Too ugly?
Did you feel too priceless? Did you feel too amazing? Did you feel too loved? Too beautiful?

Today, I felt mostly the first set of questions. I felt bad, sick, wrong, inefficient, unworthy. I felt too gay, too bitchy, too lazy, not funny enough, out of place. I felt arrogant and selfish and fat and hairy and ashamed...I felt immature and useless and offensive and angry and violent.

And I think we are all feeling all those things, and many more, way too often in all of our lives. I feel like we feel many of them at the same time, overwhelmed by the sheer explosion of sorrow and pain coursing through our hearts. That energy can burst out to those around us, whether via physical, verbal or energetic assault, and can affect the visions and peace in another's life.

Today, I experienced this, two-fold. I was at a hair appointment with my friend, and was cursing (of course). Apparently it offended someone so highly that he felt the need to get up in the middle of his haircut and physically threaten me over it. This is something I don't really get...I live my life daily having words thrown around me that could offend me if I so choose...Hell is the least of MY worries. I get to look past "faggot," "dickmouth," "cocksucker," "fag," "queer," "pussy," "pansy," "gay," "ass-pirate," and volumes of other similar terms. Not to mention the fear I am in when around any straight guys that I will get beat the shit out of for opening my mouth. So yeah, if I say "I'll fucking raise hell" around you, then how about you shut your goddamn mouth and deal with it like I do? I am so sick of everyone in this world thinking "Hey, I am an asshole, and I get to be that way, but you don't get to be anything you want to be. Deal? Done." Ummmmmmmmmm, NO. I'm gonna be a fucking victim if I want to be. I'm gonna be a fucking asshole if I want to be. I'm going to be a fucking queer-homo-gayboy-faggot if I want to be. I'm going to be disgusting and childish and intelligent and grateful. I'm going to be everything that makes up me, and I will no longer resent myself for it, nor apologize to you for it. If I'm a sinner, that is up to me, and it is not your job to tell me that so that your fake god will tell you "Good job, you did the best you could do, son!" when you die and never meet him because your religion is a phallacy (misspelled on purpose). It is not your job to save me or anyone else around you. What it's your job to do, if you so choose, is to save your own ass, to save your money so you don't fuck up the rest of our lives with a credit-crunch-breakdown like you have thus far, and to save your words for someone who gives a flying fuck. I am a stand for diversity and free expression, and I am a stand for respect and compassion, and I think the two can co-exist. And I do not believe that they will always exist in harmony, concurrently, or in perfection; however, I do feel it is my responsibility to work on it in my own self and further it in my life. I also know that just because I stand for something does not make me the most perfect at it, and one thing I am REALLY fucking sick of is people criticizing me for what I say and where I stand, in that I am not perfect enough in it. The one thing that Great Life REALLY fuckin sucks at is teaching ANY form of respect or compassion. Do you enjoy it if I come up to you and say "YOU'RE BEING A FUCKING VICTIM AND A BABY AND SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!!" er, excuse me, let me put that in Great Life terms: "MY EXPERIENCE OF YOU IS THAT YOU ARE BEING A FUCKING VICTIM AND A BABY AND SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!!" NO!! Of course you don't! So why the fuck would you say it to me as if it is inspiring? Is it because you have no sense of what inspiration actually is? That is my belief. Because I know when I thought I was being inspiring, I was actually attacking, and being an asshole, and people hated being around me. So "mirror mirror on the wall," get the fuck out of here and "inspire" someone else.