Day Three of Part One, August 2010

So, we got out of GLF LAAAAAATE (if you can't tell by the timestamp on this post...), so I was rushing out to get home and left the notes I took in the building. SO, you will get a double-decker tomorrow! HOWEVER, on my way home, actually as I was pulling up to where I'm staying, I was listening to Pink's song "Sober" and it really hit me. I am free tonight. I am really, finally free. I have learned to love myself, and I have actually done it. I have learned my value, and I am applying it. As such, I no longer NEED (yes, I always felt I needed them) cigarettes or alcohol. I no longer need the "buddy" that was cigarettes/tobacco/nicotine...I am enough as me. I no longer need the safety feeling that alcohol provided. Now that I am free, and I am ME, I don't need (or want AT ALL) alcohol in my body. It poisons my body and inhibits it from functioning in its highest form, and the only reason I ever used it before was to feel happier (ironic, as it is a depressant...) and to make myself feel more comfortable and safer in situations where I'd have to step out of my comfort zone to socialize. But now that I am comfortable in my skin, and comfortable being me and loving me, I don't need anything to assist me in being me. So, as of tonight, I am declaring full sobriety. My ego wants to let you all know, I was never an alcoholic...I didn't come home and drink every night or anything like that, but I WAS addicted. Addicted to the feeling I had when I was with it. And now I have that in me, long-lasting and sturdy and full. Any alcohol would just poison that feeling for me and dirty me up. So, that is all for tonight -- and possibly even better than the notes I took on my learning earlier anyhow! :) I will post them tomorrow though, along with what I learn about me tomorrow. Below are the lyrics to "Sober" in case you get to know them:

I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the mornin'
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home

Ah, the sun is blindin'
I stayed up again
Oh, I am findin'
That's not the way I want my story to end

I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
'Cause I won't remember, save your breath
'Cause what's the use?

Ah, the night is callin'
And it whispers to me softly, "Come and play"
But I, I am fallin'
And if I let myself go I'm the only one to blame

I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down
Spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round
I'm lookin' for myself, sober

Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down
Spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round
Lookin' for myself, sober

When it's good, then it's good, it's so good 'til it goes bad
'Til you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry 'never again'
Broken down in agony, just tryin' find a friend, oh, oh

I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

Good night, love birds!!

Love, Peace and Kisses,

Lo