Learning The Long Way

My friends from high school
Married their high school boyfriends,
Moved into houses in the same ZIP codes
Where their parents live

But I, I could never follow.
No I, I could never follow.

I hit the highway in a pink RV with stars on the ceiling...
Lived like a gypsy,
Six strong hands on the steering wheel.

I've been a long time gone now.
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down,
But I've always found my way somehow

By taking the long way,
Taking the long way around...
Taking the long way,
Taking the long way around.

I met the queen of whatever,
Drank with the Irish and smoked with the hippies,
Moved with the shakers --
Wouldn't kiss all the asses that they told me to,

No I, I could never follow.
No I, I could never follow.

It's been two long years now
Since the top of the world came crashing down
And I'm getting' it back on the road now

But I'm taking the long way,
Taking the long way around.
I'm taking the long way,
Taking the long way around.

Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself.
I opened my mouth and I heard myself.
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself.
Guess I could have made it easier on myself

But I, I could never follow,
No I, I could never follow.

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else,
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down.
If you ever want to find me I can still be found

Taking the long way,
Taking the long way around.
Taking the long way,
Taking the long way around...

I am a 23-year-old guy. I’ve always liked to think of myself as grander than I am, but the truth is that I am a 23-year-old guy who is trying to figure out what this world is all about so he can play in it successfully. I am incredibly powerful, and intensely loving, and I am highly intelligent, and I am beautifully creative, and my mind works in artistic ways others can never fathom, and I even am sometimes astounded by, and I am just living my life, experiencing everything that is going on and learning what it is about. And I just claimed this last night.

Others may have hopes and aspirations for me. Others may have agendas, biases and plans for my life. Others may see in me potential I have yet unlocked to myself; or others may see in me a reflection of the them that they lost long ago and are trying to restore. And none of that is me. To me. To me, I am just another powerfully creative, divine young man walking this earth, inspiring as he can and checking his best interest.

I don’t always know what my best interest is, and I’m a very “big picture”-esque guy, so I get distracted in the details and I get lost in the hubbub, the here-and-there. I see spirits, and auras, and movement of light and being, and I hear beyond someone’s voice. When someone speaks, I see their heart, and if their words don’t jump into their heart like a tiger through a flaming hoop, I know they are full of shit…in that moment at least. And I am astounded that others don’t have this gift.

This May while staffing Founders, Jayson Orvis came up to me and we briefly chatted. I mentioned something about Pamela, or a trainee, or someone. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but it was regarding their spirit. The offhand sentence I uttered – to ME – was nothing new…it was nothing difficult to decipher about this person…I believed anyone could see it. And he turned to me and he said “Well, yeah, that’s easy for someone like you to see.” And I turned back to him with a puzzled appearance and said “Wait. What?” And he said something like “That’s easy for you to see. You see spiritual shit like that” [obviously that’s not verbatim…] and my jaw dropped in my mind. This is Jayson Orvis, THE trainer of Founders. And he sees this as something special? Well, maybe that’s something I should look into about myself, because I’ve always thought it was normal for people to be able to think like I do, and see things about others that I do.

I continue to learn how great my perception and intuition are. I continue to learn the fuller scale of each and value them appropriately. I think that may be one of my ongoing life lessons…to attune myself to my gifts, validate them and then utilize and develop them.

This month has been a HUGE, intense mirror for me to peer into. It has been clear, it has been foggy, it has been missing, it has been perfectly representative. And I’ve chosen all those manners of being for my mirror. As I drove up to Salt Lake City last night, I had ample time to process. In fact, I had about ten hours, to be more precise! And the soundtrack flowing from my iPod could not have been more perfect in order to support me.

I’ve learned that I’ve focused on what I lack, how much I lack, why I don’t have enough, that I’ll never have enough, where I CAN’T get more so I’m even more doomed, that the Universe must be out to get me, why the Universe must be out to get me, paranoia and all the emotions that come wherewith. I have not spent most of my month focusing on abundance, gratitude, kindness, peace, love, joy, how the Universe has supported/supports me, or my power and worth. And my whole demeanor shifted once I realized that and started to put into practice the latter items listed.

When I was actually GRATEFUL that my iPod battery died before I got all the way home (because I was in Santaquin by then and was able to reset my radio presets, and re-memorize them by the time I got home to crash), my heart was light instead of dark, dank and heavy, filled with anger, stress and frustration. When my sister -- who I have been incredibly angry at and felt betrayed by for the past two months -- called, I was actually happy to hear her share how she was having fun and she wished I was there to have fun with her, unaware I was on my way up to the City, my being -- my actual divine spiritual being -- changed from one of premeditated murder of my soul to instead filling my soul with life and joy and respect and trust and beauty and compassion. I was light. And right now, I am light. And it feels really marvelous.

And I’m not saying I won’t experience the darkness, because life is a dichotomy and there is a shadow to every Oak of Brilliance. But now I have more frames of reference from which to pull in order to drag my butt out of my nerd. Which is good news for YOU: Maybe I won’t be so bitchy as often! Haha! (And if I am, please call me out on it – in a loving, compassionate, respectful way!)

I love you all.

Peace, Love and Kisses,

Apollo

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear
Take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal,
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes, yeah.
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there --
I'll be there.

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive,
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before
And it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around,
But lately I'm beginning to find that
When I drive myself my light is found.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes, yeah.
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there.
I'll be there.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes, yeah.
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there.

I'll BE there.