Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Today, I feel REALLY weird. The last couple of days, I have been totally high, feeling like I can do anything in the world, and as of yesterday, that feeling started to spiral down, and today it has officially crashed. While I am in my shit today, I see clearly. I see I am in my shit, and I see pathways I could take to get out of it, and I am still fearing that if I move in a direction, it will be the wrong direction and I will be worse off than where I came from.

And so what if that's true? What would happen if I make a move and I fail utterly? Well, I am telling myself that all my friends would leave me, and so would my family, and I would be homeless and without any money or food or love in this world. And I'd either die physically or spiritually. Okay, so what if that happens? I'll be dead. Which will happen in about 60 years or less anyhow. So why is it SUCH a big deal to me if I die now? Because I want to live every single moment, because I've wasted so much of my life (I feel). And if I die RIGHT NOW, then I will be missing out on future moments I could experience. But this moment is not about worrying about future moments. It is about living in the current moment. I want to say it is also about looking forward to the happiness in future moments, but that is really just my Ego Self trying to get back into my current moment by inveigling itself in optimism and happiness. Life is about living in the current moment, this moment, until I can no longer. And then moving on to the next moment. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. :)